my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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