his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
