I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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