I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
