I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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