i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize