I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
