At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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