I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
