Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
