Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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