Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
