I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
That reminds me...we need to get swords
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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