dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
