I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
