Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
