he thought i was a dude.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
