I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
