you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
