I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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