apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Farmville is her only friend.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
