I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
