Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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