I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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