are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
