Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
