I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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