My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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