You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
