my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
