Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize