can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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