Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
