If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
