i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
