hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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