so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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