what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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