i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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