I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
