one might say we're banned from that church
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize