She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
