so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
