drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
