i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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