dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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