I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
