the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
