if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
