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Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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