walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
