this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
