I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
