If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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