he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
