is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
