i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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