Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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