My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
