Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
