We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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