How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
