i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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