got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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