that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize