you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
