Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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