Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
