If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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