We got so high we made milksteak
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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