Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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