I'm eating all of the evidence.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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