Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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